Mum
Anonymous
Poetry
For sixty years she cared for me.
No questions asked – as it should be,
Unconditional, emotional, physical care –
Her bundle of joy, her burden to bear.
Then April the first two thousand and four,
Fortune’s fool found mum on the floor.
“A stroke you say? What does this mean?”
Mother and son – forced into a team.
Six months pass – a love gone numb,
A guilt like no other, to hate your own mum.
Whole Person Care – Year One
I find it quite interesting how the artist has taken the perspective of the son instead of the mum and shown us the affect the stroke can have on the son thus shown us a different new and unconsidered view. Often, the significant others of the stroke victim are forgotten and the draining effect it can have on them mentally and emotionally thus this poem has expressed how the son feels after the event and shows the hidden view he has that he cannot express as he feels guilty due to it. This poem drew me in due to its shortness which I think reflects on the sudden change of life and how it can be turned upside down in a split second. Also the shortness of the poem could be expressing how short time is for life to be perfect. The part where is says “love gone numb” is quite blunt and to the point about how the effect of a stroke can have on a relationship between a child and parent due to the task now for the child to care for the mother so the child grows to be annoyed by the parent so this sours the relationship. I thought this quote struck quite deep as it really showed the new view of the parent and gave us a peek into the mind of a child of a stroke victim and really showed what they thought which is often hidden and bot expressed due to the “guilt like no other” which expresses the burden of their new view of their parent and shows how draining emotionally it can be for the child. This poem I believe really shows the surface of the effect that a stroke can have on the significant others of the stroke victim and offers a new perspective on a stroke which I think is crucial to consider and not forget in medical practice.
I found this piece to be particularly powerful in conveying the emotional strain on relationships following serious health conditions: such as a demobilising stroke. I found the authors perspective of the son to be not only interesting but again powerful as we witness the transition of roles and consequential transition: from unconditional love to a love gone numb. For me the last line is the most powerful of the poem and particularity resonated me;because it explores the authors struggle with their feelings and consequential resentment of not only those feelings and the mum but an illusive resentment of ones self for having these feelings. I believe this poem explores that these life changes conditions are not just at the time of treatment and do not just involve the patient: they can be impactive on all aspects of the persons life, a fact which must not be forgotten in medical practise.
Unbelievably refreshing to see the moral dilemma faced by the narrator. It is the horror and reality of an illness that causes a person who we once knew, to wither away and become a shadow of the person they once were. I believe this is an issue that isn’t given enough credit- how one person is expected to love unconditionally even though the precipitating illness makes this very hard, often impossible. The physical strain and reality a sickness may impart on a family is often addressed while the mental and emotional strain neglected. In reality “in sickness and in health”, as seen in vows, is much harder than words that just roll off the tongue.
I found this piece to be particularly powerful and emotive in the story it tells and the way it is told. The short nature of the poem reflects the speed at which changes in ones health can affect both the patient and those around them. The poem is written in a way where the second half almost mirrors the first, however the reversal of care roles has a completely adverse effect and this is quite powerful imagery. The story told is one that you rarely hear spoken about as, and the narrator mentions this in his piece, the guilt of having these feelings about a loved one, especially when it is of no fault of their own, means it is difficult to address and so the downward spiral continues. I think this piece really conveys the need for a support system that looks beyond the patient themselves to the support system required for those supporting the patient and it highlights an issue which is not infrequently seen in society.
I find this poem to be heartfelt yet painstakingly honest, depicting the distress and difficulties surrounding the drastic switch within the parent-child relationship. The poet integrates many subtle and effective techniques to demonstrate the turmoil surrounding this reversal in care; in particular the use of caesura, alliteration and assonance. However, the most striking element of the poem is the dramatic shift from the line ‘then April the first two thousand and four’, the date in which the protagonist’s mother suffered from a stroke. I believe this poem could be incredibly relatable to many. Although it is a factor of life that our parents will grow old and we, ironically, will potentially have to care and support them, for some this can change in an instant due to devastating circumstances (such as a stroke). The poet effectively encapsulates the emotional and psychological distress and burden that caring for someone can possess, especially due to this dramatic role reversal. The last line powerfully displays this bleak reality, ‘a guilt like no other, to hate your own mum’. Although this may seem somewhat abrupt, I believe it is understandable and evokes sympathy from the reader towards both the mother and son. Strokes can have calamitic consequences and one’s character may seem unidentifiable, and therefore we can apprehend the son’s anguish.
An emotional poem about the guilt a son feels for resenting his mother after a stroke. He talks about the unconditional love she gave him and how that was ‘how it should be’ because that’s the role a mother should take and then he talks about the roles being reversed as he suggested that he had to look after his mother and switch roles. This created resentment in the relationship and he describes it as ‘love going numb’ because people can completely change after they have a stroke and the guilt he feels because of it.
Narrating from the son’s perspective makes this piece particularly striking. When we think about illness, often only the patient comes to mind
The succinct nature of the poem adds to the effect as this decline can be so sudden – the destruction of a lifelong bond takes only a few lines – a horrifying reality of ill-health. In some cases patients may not even be aware of their decline and so remain emotionally unaffected in blissful ignorance. You could argue that the pain of seeing a person fade and relationship break down is greater than any physical distress caused by ill health.
Talking to relatives and breaking bad news is one of the hardest things I believe you face as a doctor, an understanding of how those closest to your patients are feeling is vital. It allows you to empathise, communicate effectively, support and provide the best care you can to all involved in the care of your patient.