My Body – My Decision?
Suthi Nair
Mixed-media
Two words spoken.
Matter of fact.
Cutting through the fluff and clear as morning.
Buzzer rings and off you go.
The weight of the words,
Now a lead crown for the wearer to bear.
Opening a chasm of turbulent questions.
Once the timer had dinged,
nurses hold hands and dissect the cascade of unknowns.
Mastectomy.
A route out.
A way to pull every weed out of the garden.
And change the soil so it can never grow back.
Yet to take this step many hoops to jump through.
The time old tune,
Of heaping importance on everyone else’s opinions
Apart from the owner of the body.
Constantly asking and constantly justifying.
Logic.
Rowers of the same boat hold hands,
Slice out time just for them,
Cook, learn, read and talk.
Whilst chemotherapy lurks in the wings.
A personalised, tailored cocktail.
Its massive shadow beefed up by rumour, gossip and fear.
A route to be avoided at all costs.
A route which is necessary at all costs.
A switch flicks.
When it’s explained that it is a bath.
To scrub clean every cell from head to toe.
And be free.
This means that the pin straight hair will go, though.
To be replaced with curly locks as crocuses in the spring.
As it does its job, digging each cell out,
Legs climb Snowdown.
Heart beats just as strong.
And takes children on the school run,
Cells can never take away the mother.
Feet take gentle steps into shallow waters which lead to future oceans,
The ocean which holds family, friends and jobs and more mountains.
Waiting to be claimed.
The bag remains stapled on though.
Filled to the brim with the last few years.
Hospital bands, weariness of bones and medication sit still collecting dust,
But making their weight known.
I chose to creatively explore a meeting with a patient who really inspired me due to her positivity and determination during her journey with breast cancer. She also opened my eyes to inequalities within the healthcare system where professionals made it more difficult to access the mastectomy she wanted, put her in a position where she had to constantly justify her decision, and enquired what other people’s opinions about her decision were – even though they were irrelevant to that position.
During further exploration, I discovered the problems that my patient faced weren’t in isolation. Despite the fact they are often in immense pain, the autonomous decisions of women about their own bodies in regard to birth control, hysterectomies and other issues related to their reproductive rights aren’t always respected. Access to important medical care is denied, made difficult or deferred to the judgement of individuals other than the patient – thus disrespecting a woman’s autonomous decision. This is why in my collage I chose to make the headline about a woman pleading for a hysterectomy, big and bold to draw attention to the problem and make people aware that this isn’t an isolated incident.
I also selected this encounter because the patient taught me a lot about how important individualised care is for patients and how the fact that doctors often have limited time available for the patient can have a negative impact, consequently the patient described nurses as being the ones who sit down, answer lots of questions and support. Lastly, the encounter highlighted to me how once a course of treatment finishes it doesn’t mean that a patient is ‘done’ and they never think about their illness again, there is often more follow-up support needed.
I chose to create an illustrated poem. I selected collage, personalised to the patient’s experience to highlight how underneath the identity of a patient there is a human being with personal and unique experiences and viewpoints. Clinicians, to give the best care possible should always remember this. Furthermore, I also wrote a poem as I believed it would be a great medium to use metaphor to highlight the patient’s experience and provide a unique way for the reader to empathise and understand her situation.
Creating this piece helped me connect with the patient’s story even further and highlighted to me how much difference a positive mindset, healthy lifestyle and self-care can make during challenges. I learnt that art can be a useful tool for myself to explore emotions and patient’s stories. Overall, I really enjoyed this creative project, it opened my eyes to lots of challenges healthcare needs to address urgently and provided an amazing opportunity to meet a patient on my own for the first time, and to later explore my creative side.
Highly Commended for the Year One, Effective Consulting Creative Prize, 2021
This collage and poem are very though provoking. As a female, both pieces of artwork resonated with me as control of contraceptive methods, and therefore our body, is all too common in a healthcare and non-healthcare setting. The shocking news title in the centre of the collage portrays how women face societal pressure to be multifaceted beings The news title portrays this person as someone who is stripping their husband from children and not as a patient who suffers a life-altering disease asking for a treatment that will help them. The poem also encapsulates how female autonomy is stripped when it comes to our wombs and their potential. “The time old tune, of heaping importance on everyone else’s opinions” shows how we have so many responsibilities thrusted upon us that it is no longer a possibility to make decisions over our own body. Forms of birth control offered to females have endless side effects and methods of birth control not offered like hysterectomy’s are heavily dissuaded and involve conversations with partners who did not own that body. The poem depicts how women are coerced into going through very painful procedures like chemotherapy rather then a hysterectomy over what could be. This is done through the line ” route to be avoided at all costs, route which is necessary at all costs”. The repetition of “at all costs” further reiterates the mental and physical “costs” this patient has to go through.
I found this piece of artwork to be inspiring and thought provoking as it highlights the very real issue of the autonomy of female patients not being respected by healthcare professionals. The use of collage creates a layered image of the patient and highlights her unique viewpoints and perspectives. The central headline grabs the attention of the viewer and creates a feeling of urgency and desperation to be taken seriously