Loss
Anonymous
Poetry
I wore my best suit today,
I don’ t wear it much, these days,
Polished my shoes especially,
Put on a face that was brave.
I don’ t wear it much, these days,
Polished my shoes especially,
Put on a face that was brave.
I was in no hurry,
But I arrived an hour before I was due,
Tried to chat once I was called,
About the weather, as you do.
I said: “I’ m having trouble hearing”
But then the doctor asked,
“Now how is everything at home,
since your Rebecca passed?”
Caught me out, that one,
A bolt, out of the blue,
I don’ t mean to cry, so sorry,
Now please don’ t you cry too.
They said I should throw her clothes away,
And clear a little space,
Move that make-up from the table,
That she so carefully placed.
Yes doctor, I’ m lonely,
Direct question, direct answer,
I have no direction,
Since, you know, the cancer.
Whole Person Care – Year One
I find poignant how the poem both starts and finishes; it starts with the patient saying that they don’t wearing their “best suit” much anymore in the first verse, and finishes with them explicility confessing their loneliness to the doctor in the final verse. I find this cyclic theme of loneliness really quite powerful, as it accurately highlights how loneliness can often be a viscious cycle for many people: isolation can lead you to become depressed and disconnected, which in turn just leads to you becoming more socially withdrawn.
I found it interesting the author does not reveal the grief initially, however it is clear in the actions and thoughts of the man that it is a constant underlying feeling that affects almost everything he does, even alluding to him mechanically going through the motions ‘as you do’. This tensions builds until the doctor addresses in such a direct way that the man cannot help but cry, finally the mask slips and his emotions take hold. This was particularly impactful to me as the memories seemingly come flooding back and this to me shows how grief is so fluctuating and it is common to be functioning as normal and then to be so abruptly taken over by it.
I enjoyed the emphasis on the directness of the interaction at the end which is often important to consider when asking about something so important, as to shy away from asking sensitive questions is almost to pretend the problem does not exist. It was clearly important for the man to talk about how he feels, even if the answer was obvious and indeed direct, ending with a final admission of his loss of direction shows how he has now revealed his need for support and it leaves a feeling of hope for the man that he can find the support he needs from this interaction.
This poem captures the loneliness of a man who is grieving the loss of his wife. I think it was interesting, how it reveals his vulnerability under his everyday actions, like trying to engage in small talk. The mention of ‘Rebecca’ causes the tone to shift where the man ends up crying, as his mask of composure slips and his emotions come to the surface . I think this poem captures the reality of mourning effectively and how it can affect everyday actions and how it may not always be so obvious and visible to others, like I didn’t realise until ‘Rebecca’ was mentioned.