After visiting Jayne, I have never really felt so lucky to be who I am. Jayne* suffered from severe asthma, she could hardly walk down the street without stooping over, panting and wheezing when trying to breathe. She was in her early twenties yet had hardly experienced anything in life, rarely being able to get out of the house to enjoy what life had to offer. She wasn’t like all the other patients I had met on my home visits, she was young, I felt like I could actually relate to her. She was also very bright which just made the whole situation seem even more depressing. What made the whole scenario even worse was when I got to read her case reports.

I really felt that on some level I had connected with her and that she really was telling me everything. However this obviously was not the case at all. While clearly not overjoyed with her state, she did come across as being happy with making the most of what life had to offer despite her limitations, such as getting into university.

The case report told a different story, suicidal thoughts, severe depression and possible anorexia. It really did make me depressed but in hindsight I should have seen it. It’s hard to describe how I felt after reading this. Stupid, because I should have realised she wasn’t telling me everything, angry and betrayed because I felt like she had been lying to me, and resentful because I felt like I could have helped her if she had told me the truth; but she hadn’t.

If anything, that visit taught me not to take things patients say at face value, and that you must try to get beyond what they are saying and see if there is anything behind it, you really must try to get to know your patient. There is one more feeling I felt after meeting Jayne – guilt.

I felt guilty because before I met her I had conjured up an image of an overweight girl sitting in front of a TV, complaining about how unfortunate she was and how hard life was for her. This obviously wasn’t the case at all and this also taught me not to expect or assume anything from a patient and that you should see each patient as a person, not a ‘classic case’.