During my hospital shifts I encountered patients experiencing delirium or confusion, and it struck me how many sounds there are constantly in the hospital wards. The monitors, as well as the chaos that would often be occurring around the patients, were constant – which would often add to the anxiety they patients were experiencing.

I talked to an elderly patient who was finding the constant alarms anxiety inducing, especially as she was old and confused. She confessed she never felt truly rested in hospital. I was struck by what a difficult environment the hospital is for patients staying there long-term, especially when they may spend the remaining days of their lives there.

For my creative piece I decided to use music as a medium to portray the experience of a patient on the ward. I chose piano as it allows me to attempt convey the emotions that they may be experiencing, touching on fear, uncertainty, confusion, as well as the moments of happiness brought from small acts of kindness or visiting family members. I composed it in an impressionistic style to allow me to not be restricted by traditional form and explore greater depths of emotion.

The piece is centred on the idea of an offbeat A crotchet. This is based on the rhythm/sound of the observation machines often heard in the wards. As the piece develops this A interacts with other notes and develops into the short first theme – based on ascending fifths on F, G, and A. I use bare fifths in the left hand to create a vast atmosphere to this part of the piece, reflecting on the potentially intimidating nature of hospital wards for patients.

The second main theme is a rhythmic theme based on oscillating quavers with descending triads, which gradually becomes more chromatic to add uncertainty and foreboding.The piece then moves into a light rubato arpeggio section, which I believe could be moments of hope, or joy. However, this is soon interrupted by dissonant grace notes, bridging into the new section which is a variation of the second main theme. The dissonance gradually becomes increasingly triadic, perhaps showing a moment of peace, however the piece finishes with sparse, bare harmony, on the singular A crotchet, showing how much of the time the patient spends on the ward will be alone… especially difficult at the end of their lives.

Composing this piece has given me a way to process the emotions I felt after my hospital shifts, providing a sense of release and allowing me to reflect on the difficult moments. Working in a hospital, we often meet patients at very low points, and it’s easy to focus so much on supporting them that we forget the impact it has on our own wellbeing. I feel fortunate to have a creative outlet, and I think finding some form of release could be helpful for many of us in similar roles. It also struck me that, with limited access to entertainment like music and film on many wards, integrating more arts could be a powerful source of comfort for patients. Even small changes like these could be meaningful for those going through difficult times.