I wrote the poem ‘loving a missing lover’ after observing a virtual primary care consultation whereby our GP discussed the challenges of being the primary caregiver. This patient was a caregiver for her husband who had become quite ill and has decreased cognitive function. She highlighted how she found it difficult to take care of a loved one, especially when it was very one-sided and almost entirely unreciprocated.  

 I decided to write a poem, specifically a sonnet about this experience as I felt this story justified a love poem. A sonnet is a 14-lined poem generally based around the concept of love. This patient really emphasised the emotions behind being a caregiver to her partner, and I thought I could explore and portray these emotions through the medium of a sonnet. 

 During this encounter I learned a lot about the challenges of being a caregiver to a loved one. I initially under-appreciated how emotionally and physically draining it is to care for another person 24/7 without any really training or expertise. I also hadn’t acknowledged how being a caregiver affected the relationship between the two individuals until the patient described that it felt like she was looking after someone who was ‘dead behind the eyes’. I remember the patient getting quite emotional when she discussed this, which emphasised how difficult it can be to look after a loved one who doesn’t reciprocate any feelings or give any thanks. I now feel I have an insight into how taxing it must be, especially considering as the patient described not having enough respite to enjoy activities as an individual. She describes that she felt a loss of sense of self, which I now better understand to be quite traumatising: she described being unable to see friends, unable to spend some time on herself or even simply go for a long walk without fear of leaving her partner alone for too long. The whole experience certainly changed my appreciation for caregivers, which I now view as the unsung heroes of healthcare. 

 While creating this sonnet, I gathered an appreciation of how experiences can be represented through art. The process of selecting words and phrases to best describe my emotions was a difficult but rewarding process. As an individual that personally struggles to be open with their feelings, I enjoyed the simplicity of expression through poetry. I hope I was able to capture the raw emotions that the patient described to us so intimately, as it certainly was an awakening to the world of caregiving and the struggles of loving someone with a severe illness who can’t necessarily ‘love you back’ in the same ways that they potentially used to.