The image in my mind trying to cope with issues in the period after surgery for ovarian cancer was Edvard Munch’s The Scream. It captured my anxiety, the chaos and inner turmoil. However, I didn’t have the energy to scream. Instead I felt bowed down, deflated, manipulated by events.
The figure in this image is part human body and part artist’s mannequin which can be twisted into different shapes representing the feeling of being manipulated by others and by events.
The background relates to that of The Scream with constant white noise added. The twisted wire and cord is the tangle of thoughts and worries to be battled with. The crystal in the drawstring bag represents the spirit or life energy trying to emerge from the tight grip of the darkness within.

Going back to work after treatment

I was put under intense pressure at work. My fears, worries and depression got deeper and deeper, and self-doubt and lack of self-worth took hold. I felt trapped… alone… trying to fight my way out of this morass but powerless to do so. My world felt like it was caving in. My whole life felt worthless. Everything I’d done, everything I had strived for, was thrown back in my face. I felt useless, a waste of space!

This wasn’t just the cancer but the effect the cancer was having on my ability to cope with other pressures in my life, indeed my ability to cope with life as a whole.

Arts Contributor to the Living Alone with Cancer Experience led by Cardiff University School of Healthcare 2016-2018.

Jan was also a patient and public involvement advisor throughout this project – funded by Tenovus Cancer Care:
http://blogs.cardiff.ac.uk/cancerservicesresearch/art/