‘But Gampo, your carpet’s dirty’
Elena Priestman
At the time I was eleven years old and though it was an incredibly definitive moment in my emotional growth, I recognise in hindsight that it was not what would be an appropriate reaction to the loss of a family member as an adult. As I remember it, in my grandfather’s final moments, I couldn’t help but stare at the carpet below his bed and notice how dirty it was; the feather, a button, the hot chocolate stain, stray cat hairs. It has become apparent that though I was present, I wasn’t able to fully comprehend the enormity of what was my grandad’s journey from this life. Of course, grieving is a very personal process and one that can cause a diverse array of reactions to the situation. However, how I reacted back then would be incomparable to how I would express my grief now. Simply by acknowledging this fact shows that I have experienced some sort of emotional growth.
Personally, I understand that my journey of emotional maturation is far from over. When I joined medical school, I had preconceived ideas of how I would connect emotionally to my patients; that I had to withdraw from the situation to protect myself from getting hurt. By the time I finished Whole Person Care and by being exposed to a more open and non-judgmental place of thinking, I believe my view has changed. It has made me not only more conscious of others but also forced me to acknowledge my own feelings. Most importantly, I am now more willing and receptive to new experiences and ideas that can help me continue to promote my emotional growth.
At first glimpse, I didn’t understand the prospect of this artwork and that is ultimately what drew me in. After reading the description, it all became clear and I feel that it conveys a very poignant message. I think the gradient in colour and the uphill climb of the central line going through the painting, lean towards ideas of progress and maturation, thus reflecting the artist’s emotional growth. The fact that the painting or what the painting depicts is not instantly recognisable, reflects the artist’s lack of comprehension of their grandad’s journey through life. The lack of instant clarity also gives rise to individual interpretation, which shows how each individual deals with grief in their own personal way. I also really relate to these preconceived ideas of having to set an emotional barrier between myself and patients. Rather than just blocking out these feelings of, perhaps sadness and guilt, it is actually important to accept them and learn how to deal with them and this is a skill that I hope I will learn as I progress through medical school.
This piece really spoke to me as I also lost a grandparent at the age of 12, and being so young I could not process it. I think the way in which the student expressed the emotional immaturity in the piece as well as reflecting on how their emotional maturity has changed now is what really drew me to this. The jagged line of hot chocolate in this piece is what is the most jarring and I think probably reflects the cutting feeling of loss for the student even though the younger version of themselves couldn’t comprehend this at the time. I think when we try to process these things when we are younger our minds can’t quite process or understand what is happening, hence the carpet. Its a way of distracting ourselves from what is actually happening.