My Mistake
Bethan Loveless
Feeling I have no right to be here.
An outsider, an intruder, who doesn’t understand
I can think of nothing to say to ease the fear.
She opens her eyes which seems such a strain.
Her family around her try smiling,
But behind their smiles, emptiness,
Knowing their daughter is dying.
Softly she tells them it will all be ok.
Her sister just nods, starts to stroke her hair.
I feel so useless, there’s nothing I can do
And I can’t help but think, it seems so unfair.
Her dad lifts his head, looks straight at me,
And for a split second I enter his hell.
Anger, despair is all I can see
With blood on my hands, he wishes it were me.
And I stand there, frozen,
Totally numb.
It was my decision, my mistake.
But it’s her life, God will now take.
I realised that my main fears were – having a patient under my own care die for the first time and – making bad decisions that may ultimately lead to their death. Because of this, I decided to write a poem about how I’d feel when this happens to me. I found writing this poem an effective way of thinking about how I’d handle such a situation if it arose and all the emotions I might feel. I don’t usually enjoy writing and find it hard to express what I’m thinking on paper, but I found it very therapeutic to write about things that are very real and are likely to have a huge impact on me in the future.
Although I still believe it is essential to have strong clinical knowledge, I am beginning to realise more and more how important it is to be aware of my own creative side, and to develop this, so that in the future I will always be able to empathise with my patients, and understand their concerns and fears.
My poem is called ‘My Mistake’ and is about a young girl who is dying, but whose death could have been prevented or delayed had it not been for some trivial mistakes made by a young doctor.
This poem really resonated with me, as making a mistake and it costing someone’s life is my biggest fear about becoming a doctor. You feel for everyone involved in the situation. The poem is beautiful but simplistic, which makes it so powerful.
I love the honesty of this poem, it truly encaptures the fears of young doctors – the guilt and regret that accompanies the inevitable mistakes in the healthcare profession. Your writing truly struck a chord with me because my biggest fear of becoming a doctor is failing to be the hero everyone expects, and instead causing pain, potentially by a single wrong move. An poignant, powerful and emotional poem.
I enjoy how impactful this poem is, encapsulating a young doctor’s greatest fear. The simple rhyme scheme and straightforward imagery create a such beautiful sense of raw honesty and guilt. Making mistakes is perfectly normal, yet the possibly extreme repercussions of doing so as a doctor is one of the harshest realities to face.