As blank as can be,

Inexperienced in suffering,

Ill-health still a mystery to me,

I sit waiting for your paintbrush,

For the colours to unveil,

I sit

I wait.

Around you I am helpless.

Around you I feel ashamed.

Ashamed of my youth,

My energy and smile,

Ashamed to giggle or joke for a while,

I want to understand you,

See through your waning smile.

Will you let me in?

Unlock your past,

And let me into your present,

You have so much to offer,

I won’t let it go to waste.

My nonchalance and ignorance,

I’m sure is all you see,

But I’m willing and I’m waiting,

I sit,

I wait.

Then at once,

Your story awakens me,

Send shivers up my spine,

I am left floundering,

Choked up.

For reasons I cannot describe,

Your calm, quiet voice sits screaming,

“Wake up and welcome to life”.

Your journey takes me with you,

Back to your brutal treatment,

The pain that can’t be mine.

I am lost in your world,

In your pain,

In your struggle,

You keep up your heroic battle,

I know you’ve lost the war.

Swimming put on hold,

For now.

Plans to move,

Hindered only by savings,

Moans about weeds that next summer shall grow,

I would never have known.

Ignorance is bliss,

Only your eyes gave away the story.

Denial before was immaturity,

Denial I presumed was fantastical,

Denial meant delusional,

Until I met you.

Now denial is hope,

Is a weapon against all the odds,

Denial is a blanket,

A shield from what awaits,

Denial is what keeps you going,

Amongst the injustice that accumulates inside.

Thank-you for your patience,

Your wisdom and time,

The precious energy you spent on me,

The fear I brought into your eyes.

No hope I can give you,

No words to ease the pain.

Only a burst of appreciation,

For beginning my canvas,

Which can never be erased.